


High? Dude, I'm lower than I've ever been

by DearLittleRobin



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Alex doesn't say it here but he feels loved, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drug Use, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Justin is trying to be a good friend here, Suicidal Thoughts, Zach too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 01:31:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17012994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearLittleRobin/pseuds/DearLittleRobin
Summary: They stay like that, Justin still smoking and Alex staring off into nothingness. They stay in silence, until Alex breaks it.“I think I’m going to kill myself” He says simply.





	High? Dude, I'm lower than I've ever been

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea stuck in my head and i just had to write it. I've been doing this exercise a lot, just writing whatever the fuck comes to my mind whenever the fuck i find the time.

Justin is already a bit out of it when Alex sits on the sun lounger next to his. The blond boy is soaking wet, his clothes hugging his figure and slowing him down. Moments before, Justin saw him jumping in the freezing pool, clothes and all, and, although finding it rather weird, decided not to judge him too much. People could do weird things when they were buzzed and if Standall’s thing was jumping in cold pools in the middle of the night it wasn’t Justin who would stop him.

“Went for a swim, Standall?” He teases lightly.

Alex doesn’t give a verbal response to the comment, instead, he stretches his hand to Justin, looking at the other boy with the corner of his eyes.

“Pass it to me” Alex asks.  

“Make your own” Justin answers ad takes another drag of the joint still in his hands.

“Too tired” Alex argues.

Justin translates that as “too lazy” and rolls his eyes. He looks at Alex, who’s no longer looking at him, but is still holding his hand up, and evaluates his options. Forcing Standall to go back to the pool house where all the others were had a very high chance of leading up to a fight since Alex was soaking wet and Bryce hated when people got water on his carpet even though it made no sense at since it was fucking _pool_ house. God, that much thinking made Justin’s head hurt. He sighs.

“Don’t get used to it” He grumbles as he puts the joint in Alex’s waiting hand.

“Sure. Thanks”

Standall inhales, coughs once, exhales, does it again. After the third time he gives the joint back to Justin, still without looking at him. As he takes it back, Justin briefly wonders if Alex was already super high and that’s why he jumped in the pool in the first place.

Eh, whatever.

They stay like that, Justin still smoking and Alex staring off into nothingness. They stay in silence, until Alex breaks it.

 “I think I’m going to kill myself” He says simply.

Justin stops. Did Alex just…? No. No, he didn’t. It was just the stress of the tapes mixed with the weed and the booze and yeah. He just heard it wrong.

“What?” Justin asks. Just to be sure.

“I think I’m going to kill myself” Alex repeats, voice as calm as if he was just stating the weather.

Now that makes Justin sit up. He looks at Alex, brows furrowed and heart racing. The boy still isn’t looking at him. Justin’s mind is still slow, still sluggish, but he can think of a handful of questions he wants to ask Alex. He’s currently in the process of choosing what to say next when Alex beats him to it.

“It would be the right thing to do, wouldn’t it? Go see Hannah in hell since I’m the reason she’s there in the first place” Alex continues and at this point Justin isn’t sure if the boy’s talking to him or to himself. “It would make a better friend to her. Better than I’ve ever been.” Alex sighs “Bet she would be proud of me for being brave once in my motherfucking life”

“Alex-” Justin starts but Alex cuts him off.

“It’s simple, you know? She said it herself. I wrote the fucking list and things went downhill from there. All because of me.” Alex sighs again “It’s almost as if I slit her wrists myself”

“That’s- that’s not true” Justin tries to argue. He blinks various times, but he can’t seem to form many coherent thoughts anymore.

“Yes, it is” Alex just says simply and Justin fucking hates that they’re having this conversation right now.

“No, it fucking isn’t. Why-” Justin groans in frustration “Why are you saying these now? Why with me?”

“I-” Alex hesitates for first time since he started talking. “I don’t know. Fuck. I don’t know” Alex sits up abruptly and finally turns to Justin. His eyes are wide with panic. “Forget everything I said”

“No” Justin refuses.

“Justin” Alex snarls “We weren’t supposed to have that conversation, ok? I spaced out. Forget about it”

“Like hell I’ll forget about it!” Justin argues

“This has nothing to do with you!”

“Well, it does now!”

Alex opens his mouth, probably to argue again, but they’re interrupted by Bryce.

“The fuck you bitches whining about?” Bryce screams at them, squints his eyes. “Alex did you jump in the fucking pool?”

Alex doesn’t answer neither of those questions, his eyes are fixed on Justin’s.

“We’ve never had this conversation” He says before he gets up, fetches his backpack from where he left it next to the door while completely ignoring Bryce, mounts his bike and leaves.

“What is his fucking problem?” Bryce complains to Justin as they watch Alex leave.

“I don’t know” Justin grumbles, but his chest feels heavy.

He and Bryce stare at where Alex was a few seconds agora before Bryce lets out a chuckle.

“Yeah, whatever. Come back inside, it’s freezing out here”

Justin doesn’t follow Bryce inside. He just…keeps staring. Is he waiting for Alex to come back?

_Will Alex even come back?_

The though makes Justin shudder. God, what had just happened? Did he really have that conversation? God.

“Justin?” Now is Zach calling him “Are you okay?”  Zach walks up to him when he takes too long to answer “Justin?” He calls again.

“Do you know where Alex lives?” Justin asks.

Zach frowns.

“What?”

“Answer me, Zach”

“I guess so? It’s close to my aunt’s house I think”

Justin grabs Zach’s shirt and let’s his eyes drift from the spot he had been staring at to find Zach’s confused, and honestly a bit scared, ones.

“Take me there” Justin pleads.

Zach blinks at him.

“What? Isn’t Alex here though? Why would you-”

“He left” Justin whispers as if he’s telling a secret. “And I don’t know if he’ll come back”

“What are you talking about Justin?”

Justin takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. That’s the moment he usually fucks it up, the moment in which he doesn’t do anything and just let’s shit happen. He has failed so many times before, he can’t-

“I think Alex will try to kill himself” Justin answers honestly because he trusts Zach way more than he trusts Bryce. “

Zach’s eyes go almost comedically wide. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, then blinks.

“Ok” He says. “Ok, let’s go. Shit”

And that’s how Justin ends up in a car with Zach at about 1am driving really slowly because “Alex left not that long ago by bike and he probably hasn’t reached his house yet oh god what if he wasn’t even going to his house in the first pla-”

“I think I see him!” Zach suddenly screams and indeed there is a blond boy biking his way up the street.

Justin opens the window and puts his head out.

“Alex!” He screams and the boy actually turns and stops on the first try.

“What the fuck, Justin?!” He snaps when Zach’s car stops next to him “Why the hell are you here?”

“I was worried” Justin admits, actually feeling really proud of himself for the honesty.

“You were worr-God fucking dammit, Justin!” Alex’s still angry “I told to forget about it!” Then he seems to notice Zach’s is also in the car “And you brought fucking Zach into this too?! Fuck.” Alex is starting to hyperventilate, he messes his own hair , steps away from the car window “I spaced out, okay? I didn’t mean any of it! Leave me the fuck alone!”

That’s when Zach gets out of the car.

“Alex” He says calmly “I don’t know what happened or what you said to Justin, but the tapes are taking a toll on all of us.” He bites his lip “Some more than others. So if you need to talk or something-”

“I’m fucking fine, Zach”

“No, you’re not!” Justin screams as he also gets out of the car. “Do you know how much you fucking scared me with your talk?! I fucking refuse to have another Hannah Baker!”

That silences them all for a few seconds.

“I would never be a Hannah” Alex says quietly.

“Whatever, dude, just…” Justin fumbles with the words “If you feel bad, call me. Or Zach. Or anybody. Don’t-” Justin takes a deep breath “Don’t do shit you’ll regret”

Alex stares at him for a long while. Then he sighs.

“Ok, sure. I’ll do that or whatever” Alex turns his back to them and goes back to his bike “Thanks for coming after me and all that, but now I really want to be alone ok?” He doesn’t even look at them as he says it and begins biking away again.

Justin prepares to run after him, but Zach stops him.

“It’s enough for now, Justin” He says, eyes watching Alex go.

Justin has no other option than to accept.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo what do you think? I may do a follow up idk


End file.
